FSH: When numbers don't matter.

Scanning the latest email newsletter from the American Fertility Association, I came across this article. In it, the author discovers--through an answering machine message left by her doctor--that at 35, she has an FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) level of 14.5. For those of you not up on your hormones, this is high. And the author is devastated.

I was right there with her, but for a different reason. Back in the day, during my infertility "journey," I got similar calls from my doctor. But in my case, the news was "good": my FSH, at 41, hovered around 5. It still took us 11 cycles of IUIs to conceive our son. A few years later, trying to conceive #2, the news was similar: Again, my FSH was around 5-6, sometimes as low as 4. The IVF doctor shook his head. "You have the biological makeup of a 35-year-old." He had never seen anything like it. And yet, it didn't make a difference. Nine IUI cycles, 3 rounds of IVF and 2 more IUI cycles (one resulting in a miscarriage) later, I still hadn't conceived. It didn't matter what my numbers were. There was to be no sibling for my son.

So what's the point? The point is that we really have no control over whether we're able to conceive or not. It's a total crap shoot. People we consider to be unfit parents pump out babies, while the dearest, most caring people we know can't conceive their own biological children. It's not fair. There's no explaining it.

Last week during my small group bible study, we were talking about the movie "V for Vendetta" and spiritual crucibles, about radical turning points that changed the course of our lives. I don't have a "road to Damascus" moment, but infertility was my crucible, and the realization that there are many, many things over which I have no control--a lesson I forget over and over again--was a turning point for me.

I live in an area where people believe without a shadow of a doubt that they can succeed if they're smart enough and they work hard enough. It's a lie. You can have "everything" going for you, including a low FSH and "beautiful" ovaries (see an earlier blog post). And you can still "fail," if the rubric is the number of children to whom you can give birth. So the only way to keep your sanity is to let go. Most of the time, I can.

AFA Event: Martinis and Manicures in SF

Attention all San Francisco Bay Area readers: The American Fertility Association is holding its popular free Martinis and Manicures event on Monday, June 9, at Nova Nail Spa in San Francisco. This your chance to get your questions answered about the reality of your biological clock, the effect of STDs on your fertility, environmental toxins and more fertility-related topics--all in a fun and friendly atmosphere. Here's the 411 from Vivian Rodriguez of the AFA:

What: Manicures & Martinis*, a 90-minute conversation and Q & A with Marcelle Cedars, M.D., UCSF Center for Reproductive Health

Where: Nova Nail Spa, 811 Mission Street, San Francisco, California 94107

When:Tuesday, June 9th, 6:00 PM – 7:30 PM

Why: Because wise choices now improve your chances of having a child later.

Who: Women in their 20s and 30s

Cost: Complimentary! A credit card is required to hold your reservation. A fee of $50 will be charged if you no-show.

* Also available: The “Fertilitini”, an organic, alcohol free cocktail!

To make a reservation please contact Vivian Rodriguez at 646-861-3226 or vivian@theafa.org. For more information, please visit www.theafa.org.

And here's some information about the Manicures and Martinis event in Denver.

I'd like to go to the event, although evening events in San Francisco are hard for me these days what with my job and such. But if I go, I'll post a report. And if you go, send me yours!

Brenda Strong rocks. (Family Matters conference report, Part I.)

If I were a real reporter, I would have been fired by now, because I'm just now getting to talking about the American Fertility Association's Family Matters conference, which happened a week ago in San Francisco. Even by blogosphere standards, my sense of "news" seems to, well, suck. Just keep in mind that I'm the person who bought a book on procrastination, but finally had to sell it on Amazon because I never got around to reading it.

So anyway.

Let me just start by saying that Brenda Strong (a.k.a. Mary-Alice Young, the narrator of "Desperate Housewives") is my new hero. At Family Matters, she led a session on "Yoga for Fertility." (That's also the name of her DVD, which I did regularly before getting pregnant with my son. I'm not saying there's a connection...I'm just saying.) Anyway, she actually got a room full of men and women dressed in street clothes doing yoga. I did feel much better afterwards (no word yet on whether I got pregnant). I guess that's why the AFA made her their national spokesperson.

Why is she my new hero? Basically, she's the grown-up version of the girl I would have been afraid to talk to in high school. She's very tall, slender(without being anorexic), beautiful, poised, smart, and really, really nice. She was down to earth and funny about her secondary infertility problems. When I stopped her after her session to tell her I had her DVD, I thought she was going to hug me. She has incredible blue eyes and looks directly at you, talking to you as though she's known you forever. And her story--what little of it she was able to share with me--was remarkably similar to mine. Infertility, it seems, is an equal opportunity condition.

Later, in the conference exhibit hall, I saw her sitting at a table, talking to anyone who approached. This being San Francisco, people were too cool to swarm her. I was going to ask to take a picture with her for this blog, but I chickened out. No idea why. I've asked to have my picture taken with other celebrities (Harry Belafonte, Peta Wilson, Alec Baldwin), but with Brenda, I lost my nerve. Given the setting, it just didn't seem right, I guess.

So Brenda, if you're out there, thanks for coming to San Francisco, and thanks for talking to us (and to me). And thanks for being the spokesperson for the AFA. We need someone like you.

Family Matters conference in San Francisco

The American Fertility Association brings its "Family Matters" conference to San Francisco, February 10. Looks like an interesting agenda. I've been to a similar conference before (at Stanford) and found it to be really helpful. For a day, at least, I felt a little less alone.

Oh, and Brenda Strong of "Desperate Housewives" fame is giving a keynote. I did her Yoga for Fertility DVD a lot before I got pregnant with my son. I just couldn't get over the fact that I'm doing yoga to the voice of Mary Alice Young.