It's come to this.

Remember those days of partying until the wee hours of the morning? When you never met a tequila shot you didn't like? (Well, I do. Stop judging me.) Those days are gone, friends. Here's what I drink out of shot glasses now:

It's not actually dirt, although it looks (and tastes) a lot like it. In fact, it's some Chinese herb concoction prescribed to me by my acupuncturist. I take 3 scoops, twice a day. I have no idea what's in it, but it's supposed to turn my womb into some kind of embryo incubator.

Cleary, at this point, I would drink a bat guano smoothie if it would help me get pregnant.